The age-difference thing!
Goodness knows Jane, its all a total mystery to me!! Great question though............lets see what others think :-]
Age is a tricky one; it’s a good to have a rough idea of what age group you prefer, eg. your own age group, 5 years younger, 5 years older, 10 years younger, 10 years older etc etc. But at the same time it’s important to be open and not too stringent and be aware that you could end up with someone outside your preferred age range that happens to be ideal for you.
We all have different preferences with regards to age, some prefer older some prefer younger, so I am not surprised that you have been approached by younger men, some men are very open about age and are likely to look at the whole package, so to speak. If you feel able to, why not ask these men what their views are on age.
From personal experience I have been approached online and offline by mostly younger men and although I am not totally comfortable with dating someone younger than me, I have come to the conclusion that I am more likely to end up with someone younger based on my experience.
Like you rightly mention you do need God to give you guidance to know what is right for you. As we sometimes hold preconceived ideas or prejudices about people’s age its useful to be honest about them with God and ask for His help. One of mine has always been whether a younger person would be mature enough for me, even though I know maturity does not necessarily always come with age.
I wish you the best with the men that you meet, younger or older and pray that God gives you the wisdom and grace to make the right decision for you.
Why do you put limitations on age ?
Does God put these limitations on us ? Sure, you may have your own preferences but God can match two of the most unlikely people. Remember the prostitute Rahab and the prophet (Elisha was it?).
Sometimes I think we have to start thinking outside the box a little more...:)
Agape
Dave
One of my neighbours is in her early 50's, has 3 children 22, 20, 16 all still at home and a second husband aged 29 - they're bissfully happy.
My experience so far on here is of rarely being contacted at all and then only by gents older than me. Sometimes I think, as David says, we need to widen the net :) I'm going up a bracket soon - how will that impact? I could then be viewed as 60 and he 46 which might be a bit too big a gap! Who knows? If we went just by the brackets I could conceivably be 51 and he 49 or 50 but in the next step down. Or I could be 55 and he 46 - either way should it matter? My thoughts are, not, but experience tells me otherwise.
Any of you 46-50 chaps want a cuddly older woman? Hee hee :))
Have a good day
Blessings all
We did a thread on this a while a go called 'Give the girls a chance..' It got a lot of responses and ran for a while.
It was clear from that that most (not all) men look for women younger than themselves. And they can try up to 25 years younger.
Some younger men who have had families already and don't want to be with someone who may want children can look at older ladies but this is not usual. I would wonder too if they contacted me and were particularly a lot younger whether they were sincere about a relationship leading to marriage.
I've had a few 20 year olds email but usually their background has been indian or north african. And they have been students in the UK.
I've had quite a lot of emails from men in the 55+ age bracket and for similar reasons to you Jane I am not interested - I would prefer in most cases to remain single, although that said age does not necessarily define how healthy you are or will be.
Hi Jane, that's a good question, and as Tara says, we've had some good discussions on it too. There have also been some good success stories on here where one partner was willing to change their expectations as to age.
My hint: look for the man you're looking for, and then consider his age, rather than looking for the age you're looking for and trying to find a man in that bracket. This could apply to a lot of other details too.
I'm really sorry to hear that you went through what must have been a very tough experience nursing your husband. It's painful losing somebody that way. I do wonder if that is something in which you can allow God to heal the hurts and speak to you of His love and desires for you, so you can really know peace and freedom and face the future with confidence.
My last relationship was with a woman almost 10 years my senior. I wouldn't have set that as a criterion, or included it in my "ideals" but she was the one who came along when I was asking God to send me somebody.
I wouldn't want to be with a man who was too much younger than me. I'd be worried that he was looking for a mother rather than a lover/soul mate. I've had that experience already, some men are very slow to grow up.
It would seem that guys tend to go for wee young things quite often, ergo, women tend to get attention from older men.....i wonder how often this is true, and, how does it make the ladies feel?
I find this difficult. I have the misfortune to look a lot younger than I am, so older guys think I'm too young, and younger blokes quiver when they realise how old I am! I'm in no man's land - literally!
Ha Helen - I have the opposite problem! I look older than I am due to lovely silver hair :)
It's a conundrum - I'm not sure what age I'd gel with best - part of me would like the security of an older man and part of me wants to recapture some youth -- and I bet I'm not the only one!! Older men can be young at heart (we can recapture our youth together!) and younger men just as mature (we can mature and grow older together) - just depends on the person.
We're all a big mixture of traits, wants, desires, needs, different levels of faith and commitment, past experiences, future hopes and dreams and just need to find the one to complement and make us whole.
Blessings all :)
I would feel more comfortable with someone around my own age (give or take a few years). As different people have said, I would also wonder why someone a lot younger showed interest. Someone in their 30's started chatting to me recently and suggested getting together for a meal. My first thought is that it couldn't be a genuine desire to get to know me, why would he want to do that unless he was looking for a mother figure? I realise relationships with wide age gaps do happen and can understand it better if it's with people who already know each other and have spent time together which made friendship and relationship grow.
Also I feel there would be nothing in common as we would have grown up surrounded by completely different things. Although I realise that doesn't have to be a problem if there are lots of other plusses I would think it's very unusual as someone said earlier.
Give me someone around my own age any day (and to be honest girls I would definitely worry about the comparisons which would be drawn between myself and younger women, if you know what i mean) :0)
Personaly I would nt date someone younger than myself, just wouldnt feel comfortable ..... But would nt mind a man who is up to 10years older than myself as long as he was a man of GOD with good heart.
Hi, I've just been mulling over thoughts on the age of the man I'm looking for and I'm puzzled as to what to do! I assumed when I first started on here that I would only be looking in my own age-bracket. Then I found that all the men I was interested in wanted someone younger. No offence taken:) So I widened my age-bracket search to included men up to ten years older. I found that my own thinking wouldn't let me go beyond that because I spent the last few years of my late husband's life nursing him and I don't want to go through that again. I also began to look at men slightly younger than me, but didn't really expect any response, correctly as it happens. However, I have recently been contacted by two men who are, respectively, 15 and 20 years younger than me! Why would they do that? I can only hope that God will guide me clearly when it's the right person, whatever his age.
What do others think?