Really recommend this book i'm reading
' How to get a date worth keeping' by Dr. Henry Cloud.
It is really really inciteful and i've read a lot of books about dating that really are all saying the same thing but this offers something a bit fresher.
If you say 'there are no good prospects' you don't get it
Stick with it and get your numbers up
Tie me to a tree
Check your expectations at the door
Forget love at first sight.
Dating is NOT about marriage.
I think it helped by taking the heat off the dating process and seeing it as just that, a process, without any real expectations and to just enjoy it and learn from it. Many married people if you ask them say 'he/she wasn't my type' and yet they end up married so you just never know and it's about not restricting yourself as we so often do.
I agree, am also reading this very same book..
Sounds good! Cheers.
I'd thoroughly recommend this book too! It seems Americans have the advantage over us in that they have a clearly established dating culture; asking someone for a coffee or a meal really does mean that you'd just like the chance to get to know someone, with no strings attached. Something might develop, it might not.
We don't have set dating conventions in the UK, more's the pity, but Cloud's advice about seeing as many people as possible, as long as you basically feel safe, is surely excellent advice.
I do sense that in some Christian circles asking a girl for a coffee is regarded as virtually a proposal of marriage, but how can we know if we're suited unless we've spent time together? Once I know, via e-mails, that I might like someone, and vice versa, I try to meet the woman concerned as soon as possible; otherwise, if we meet 20 e-mails further down the line and realise, face to face, there is no mutual attraction, it's a heck of an investment of time, to little perpose. '...but deliver us from e-mail'
I agree with the above comments , I think if people spent less time reading the daily mail and actaully went and met people they would realise the worlds alot safer then you think...
I'd like to stand up for our dating culture! :-) I've read american dating books ( I loooove Cloud and Townsend by the way ..they are awesome)
We don't date so much...we go out and become boyfriend and girlfriend..it seems a lot clearer...you don't have to have these awful conversations americans have in which you have to " define the relationship" Ahhhhh!! How uncool is that!! That is because they go on soooo many dates. Why call them dates then? You are just being friendly!!
In Britain we are not so forthcoming and maybe a little bit more shy but in my book we are more genuine!! It takes a lot for a guy to ask a girl out here...I like shy people! :-)
thanks Hannah x
How to get a date worth keeping....
Perhaps one of the things in a church culture is that there isn't enough mentorship from parents or from the church on proper dating.
One of the biggest and most misleading ideas implied in church culture or propagated in books are:
a) Just wait, God will provide for you a mate.
b) If you are spiritual enough, and seek God earnestly, God will give you the best. Don't settle for second best.
With that two statements, it misleads people who are seriously looking for a mate.
First, because of that a lot of people just sit around waiting for a life-partner to drop out of mid-air into their lives.
God certainly does provide, he provides the birds of the air food, but still the bird must look for the worm. God gave the Israelites the land, but they still had to go in and fight for it. It was not passive inactivity that won the day. God does his part, we must do ours.
ooo ive just ordered this
looking forward to reading it
thanks again hannah
you won't regret it. Certainly challenged my thinking.
Haven't read all the post but this is a great book. I'm not normally into books on dating and the like but this is different and challenges a different way of looking at dating which to me feels so healthy and freeing.
Bought it, started reading it, thought it was great, put it down somewhere - anyone know where? Disappeared off the face of the planet :) Must be my age LOL.
Hey ho, prayer to St Anthony to help find it please!
Is the "date" in the title a person? Perhaps one could read a book-if that's what's required on how to make a friend worth keeping. It seems strange that we need to read a book on how to be human.Take a simple and direct route by asking a direct question. Coffee? Movie/film? Walk in the park? continue to invite until you get a yes.
Caroline the book from my perspective is much deeper than that and recognises that building a relationship with someone of the opposite sex isn't as simple because we all have different things that can get in the way be they behaviour patterns, thoughts or whatever. It really is worth a read.
Fiona maybe someone has heard about it's reputation and has 'borrowed' it from you.
Those safe places we put things can cause great problems. I have someones clock in one in my house but can I find it!
A very thought provoking book as it encourages the reader to look at themselves first & foremost regarding attitudes & responses etc.
Well worth the read as it relates to all relationships.
I have just ordered it online!!I await eagerly!!
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