How do I know if I married the right person?
Well, I think you'll know when you wake up in the morning and he hasn't turned into Shrek!
what is it you asked of The Lord when you started considering relationship and marriage, the bible say before a man starts building he sits down and count the cost!. what do you want or what have your realised The Lord has for you and the kind of man who will fit that with you?.
somehow i think in marriage God brings unto us the likily matches and now according to our ' counting of the cost' we make our choice!.
Which is why it is good to ask for the participation of The Lord Holy Spirit to really give us understanding of what we really need( because the heart is deceptive, which is why we some times suprise oursleves!) and who might fit such needs and lead us to connect with such a one. This is also why it is good to ask The Lord to give us all the puzzle bits that makes up our lives as a husband and wife and will as time goes on fit to each other like the pieces of a puzzle producing the tapestry of our lives ( both husband and wife) together as one perfectly beautiful and great picture. This is what the bible means when it says except The LORD builds a house , they labour in vain that build it!
for example the Lord taught me this in the secodn chance He has offered. haven found out is is His will and pleasure for em to be in politics and public service, it will foolish ness on my part to therefore seek or chose a man who cannt stand people , who is not politically or socially conciuos!,
Rather i should go to The LORD and ask Him to make me understand and know what makes for a good married political/ public servant christian woman and man as well as married couples living for Him in this manner of life in our society and what makes for a blessed home and family of such people!. As He makes me know the puzzles bits that make up those i now pray them into my life and the man's and our expectant family and posterity!. by praying what He makes known to me i have taken delivering of the 'puzzle bit' and have them, therefore, at the right time in our lives as husband and wife these pieces come together producing a beautifully well fitted and great tapestry of our lives and family!.
when people build houses, they do the architectural design, then they make the list of materials and cost and where to get them and how to get them and have them all prepared, then they get the builders and the works takes off and soon its done!
The LORD wants us to be prepared and prepare for anything we want to undertake in life and we do so by Him , He is always willing and ready to participate with us by His Holy Spirit when we come to Him with that attitude!.
He showed me this way of operation in in the way the temple King Solomon built was built as well as in the way the terbanacle in the wilderness was built.
He first gave them the designs, then the materials they will need, the type, form,number and directed them on how to get them and from where and who the builders were !. it was when all was prepared that The terbancle and the temple were build!
I know in britain we have our houses looking similar, but in reality as buildings of The Lord we are different each diferently unique with different functions just like the parts of a body , this is why it is erroneuos to want to marry similar woman or man to so and so! . For example if you are called by The LORD to go to africaor Asia and be a medical doctor or work in any type of work as of The LORD, it will be foolishness to ask for and marry a tender , soft hearted, squirmish woman however trendyly looking and fitting she might be to your physiical taste or acceptable to your group of friends or family!
Charles wesly suffred from making such a misjudgement he submitted to family and societal expectations and married a rich tender woman who could not ride for hours on horse back or be in the rain and sun in old taverns in some remote far our places preaching or accompanying him!
Whereas on the other hand; Martin Luther the protestant poineer and reformer' counted the cost of marriage' and benefitted; his biography has it that he married a run away nun who decided not to be one; therefore, she is bold and courageous, to dare that !, just like him and which is great for the way of life he has chosen by The Lord, secondly she was a good organiser, such that she was in charge of other nuns who ran away from the convent when he met her, as such she helped organise his life and home while he was travelling fighting the protestant cause and she also organised his house that was mostly filled with the poor who followed the LORD thru his leadership . She was also rich with a heritage of money and houses, a great blessing as it ensured he was able to do his work without being financially burdened and / or burdening the few 'renegades' who were mostly the poor that accepted his convictions and joined themselves to him!. whenver i think and consider marriage at this stage of my life i think of his life and how he allowed The Lord to build his married life ! and ask that of The LORD!
What I really mean is - I have known people who say that the person they married turned out much different to the person they courted. There are those who suffer from narcissistic personality disorder, which doesn't usually rear it's ugly head until the knot is tied. The closest I've come to this was when I allowed someone to lodge at my home. I'd known her for a couple of years. She house sat for me for a month then remained as a lodger. As soon as the Agreement was signed, all hell broke lose. I had never experienced anything in my life
before that and haven't since, but it was an absolute nightmare. I cannot imagine what it must be like for someone married to a narcissist - absolutely dreadful I should think. You go to bed next to your Prince and wake up next to Shrek!
I cried at Shrek! We were having a very quiet night at work and decided to watch Shrek 1 on dvd. Even though I already know it, I found the concept of beauty as being more than just what`s on the outside, strangely beautiful. Shrek and Fiona would be considered in our secular society as being pretty ugly (!) but they each saw beyond that to the beauty that lay within. I suppose it just gave me hope!!
On topic though, I think the first flush of love is intoxicating but it`s how you cope with the hangover and the reality in the cold light of day. I think all relationships have to be worked at to some extent but sometimes, as Chloe points out, the image that you have built your relationship on is not always the real thing.
"How do I know if I married the right person? "
come back in 30 years time and tell us
Well, as I always said, there is a lot of difference between marriage (relationship) and dating (friendship)!!!!!!
Before I explain this let me say that once married, that kind of doubt must be actively be put off! Because God hates it. We must proceed in faith and dependance on God.
Relationship is based on values, nature of the person, his/her goals etc.
But friendship could be for mutual benifit! To be very straight forward - for a man it could be just to ease his sexual pressure. It does not have to be that act all the time, but even talking and just cuddling and petting could ease sexual pressures verymuch! well, as for a woman it could be security or a state of being desired or probably some feeling of being loved or perhaps peerpressure etc.
Ofcourse, friendships and dating have been used by good christian men and women to check compatibility and God's will as well.
But the cathch is this! when some one banks on the experiences of dating (a form of friendship) and then decides to turn it into relationship, that would be a massive pitfall! instead of checking for values and also to see in what direction our Lord is leading the whole matter.
On the other hand ---- When some one is a new believer, it is good to wait and see what will become of this lovely man/women! When they are bornagain, they are children of God. But when they beging to overcome as He overcame! They become sons!!!!
Revelation 21:
6Then He said to me, "It is done I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end I will give to the one who thirsts from the spring of the water of life without cost.
7"He who overcomes will inherit these things, and I will be his God and he will be My son.
8"But for the cowardly and unbelieving and abominable and murderers and immoral persons and sorcerers and idolaters and all liars, their part will be in the lake that burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death."
Incase of new believers and teens, one need to wait to see what will become of this wonderful boy or a girl?
Will they grow up to be sons of God? or will they grow up to be an enemy of the cross of christ or will he have a stunted growth?
However, I do understand that in this complicated world so many things could go wrong and people end up being deceived in marriege which is very sad! I appreciate such men and women who have gone through such perilous times in their lives and who do not allow their faith to be shaken. God bless them in a special way, I pray.
I think before people to come on to cc, they really needed to have prayed about it, are we ready for marriage or our we just wanting marriage because we are lonely?
I agree with Karen, that our life partner does need to be sent to us from God, because we are going into a similar minsitry then we need to be working together, remember we are living in times that are getting worse and we can no longer play games.
Marriage if for companship, friendship, respect, love, sex and children.
Some people Marry for they are in Love
Some people Marry to not be lonely
Some people Marry for Sex
Some people Marry because it is comfortable
PS Its worth getting married with the lights on then you can be sure you married the right person ;)
Well I guess this thread might give some comfort to any bald, overweight, pot-bellied, badly dressed, vertically challenged, cauliflower-eared, Scots men on CC with bad greenish-hued skin with a predilection for burping, judging by the comments of some of the ladies on this thread. On that basis there must be hope for the rest of us too!!! ;-)
This was sent to me in an email, I thought I would share it with you all !
: Very Interesting and True
She said, “How do I know if I married the right person?” There was a large
man sitting next to her so the counsellor said, ‘It depends. Is that your
husband?’ In all seriousness, she answered ‘How do you know?’ Here’s the
answer:
“EVERY relationship has a cycle.” In the beginning, you fell in love with
your spouse/partner. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and
liked their idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit). Falling in love
with your spouse wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and
spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s
called ‘falling’ in love... Because it’s happening TO YOU. People in love
sometimes say, ‘I was swept of my feet.’ Think about the imagery of that
expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing,
and then something came along and happened TO YOU. Falling in love is easy.
It’s a passive and spontaneous experience.
But after “a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades”.
It’s the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone
calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome
(when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute,
drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship,
but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference
between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even
angry subsequent stage. At this point, you and/or your spouse might start
asking, ‘Did I marry the right person?’
And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had,
you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is “when
marriages breakdown”. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and
look outside their marriage for fulfilment. Extramarital fulfilment comes
in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes
people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV/computer, or
abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside
your marriage. It lies within it. I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in
love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But
you would be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen
carefully to this):
“THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON;
IT IS LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.”
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It’ll NEVER
just happen to you. You can’t ‘find’ LASTING love. You have to ‘make’ it
day in and day out. That’s why we have the expression ‘the labour of love.’
Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes
WISDOM. “You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.” Make no
mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can
do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage. Just as
there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also
laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes
you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your
marriage stronger. It’s a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply
the laws, the results are predictable. .. you can ‘make’ love. “Love in
marriage is indeed a ‘decision’.. . Not just a feeling.”
Remember this always:
“‘God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who
you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.’”
Please share this with the married and singles alike.
Have a lovely day