Pornography! How do we overcome?
This passage in Matthew12 reads even better!
43 "Now when the unclean spirit goes out of a man, it passes through waterless places seeking rest, and does not find it.
44 "Then it says, 'I will return to my house from which I came'; and when it comes, it finds it unoccupied, swept, and put in order.
45 "Then it goes and takes along with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there; and the last state of that man becomes worse than the first. That is the way it will also be with this evil generation."
It's about being accountable... Do you have a spiritual director? Or a Priest or minister you can confess to?
If you have cable tv ask a Christian friend to put a pin number in against all the porn channel on your tv. However, there are other channels which seem to be sensual, I am thinking of some of the music channels. I think if anything is going to offend ask your friend to lock those channels as well. When I got cable tv I was getting adult channels and gambling channels. I decided to lock all channels that I found offensive.
I would also recommend that you get a group of Christian friends, Priest/Minister to bless your home. And finally have Christian symbols in your home eg: Cross, Bible verses, prayer cards, Christian art around your home and hanging on the walls. I have a shelf in my hallway with a cross and several candles, a shell (a symbol of a pilgrimage), prayer beads, my prayer book and a crucifix. On my walls in the hallway I have the 'I am's of Jesus', a prayer by St Richard of Chichester and a Greek Icon of the 12 Apostles.
Well, I have not been into porn in a big way, I have visited very few sites mostly with some tiny pictures which I did not really like though it was very tempting to search and explore more. God gave me victory over this long time back. However, I have found romantic movies and other movies with few sensual scenes very tempting and provocative, Titanic being very extream and with the other milder ones.
I have written what I have learnt and what has been helping me.
It's a major problem, for sure, and I think it's something that everybody expects condemnation and guilt over. Perhaps part of the problem is how men and women are mentally and hormonally different with regards things of a sexual nature. The result is sometimes that some women (certainly not all) will judge a man's conduct on her own terms, without understanding his struggle. I don't want to suggest that lust is any less sinful for men though... just that it's important to understand where the weakness lies before criticising it.
As a teenager, I had a computer and an Internet connection in my room almost all the time. Suffice it to say, I went somewhat astray, and it remained an addiction for many years. It could have been far worse though, and I thank God that I'm not under condemnation from Him over it.
I think Deborah's suggestions of accountability and so on will work for some guys (although I'm afraid I disagree with terms like "spiritual director", as I believe that should only be God's job). It won't be enough for all guys though. One of the big dangers of lust is its focus on gratification here-and-now, leaving consequences for later.
For many guys, I believe a big part of the battle is spiritual maturity... getting to a point of seeing lust for what it is, and seeing how it truly stacks up against the grace of God. That only comes through spending quality time with God and scriptures, allowing yourself to be "transformed by the renewing of your mind" (Rom 12:2). Over time, and with prayer, the desire for God will outweigh the desire for other things.
I say, let the Holy Spirit be our spiritul matron. There some messages and books on www.cfcindia.com and other websites that might give better guidance.
Regarding the strong sexual desire, especially in men, once a godly man was explaining and siad, God made this desire so strong and also has caused it to appear so early in life ?by the age of 10 I suppose, while one can not get married atleast not before 21, it is through this God is going to test who fears Him and who doesnt.
Pornograpphy is cheating and I would not accept a man into my life who viewed porn. I am hugely anti-porn industry and help in the campaign against it. Not just for that reason - about 1.2 million children annually are exploited in child pornography and prostitution. (Source: Women Against Pornography) you can never be sure that what you view is not a person under 18. Also many other problems that go with it, the list is endless. Many porn stars go on to commit suicide. The below text back up my views on the cheating aspect, they are written by many different people affected by porn:
Pornography is Cheating
I believe that there is real sexuality between two people that love each and that there is false sexuality of which pornography is an example. When false sexuality is entered into, there is no fulfillment, there is still yearning and the urges soon come again. Pornography promotes false sexuality, which I believe is wrong since it is not emotionally or spiritually fulfilling.
I married a guy only to find out he was into porn. Now he wants to share his porno fantasies with me. He actually gets turned on by telling me about him picturing me with another guy or women. Fantasy or not this is too much for me. He claims that it is natural and it will always be a bedroom fantasy. I say it is leading to much more that I want no part of. Porn has ruined him.
Making love starts with emotional intimacy that leads to physical intimacy, in order to express the love one feels toward the other. Pornography cheapens physical intimacy.
Pornography makes people come together to try and "get off". The goal is pleasure. Pornography promotes physical intimacy as pure sensuality and is empty and one-dimensional and makes each partner sexually selfish so that they don't care about the other. I would call that cheating, because my partner cheats me of themselves and of myself.
Pornographers makes pornography for money. They are virtual pimps. I call it cheating if my partner views porn.
Porn is addicting. It destroys the meaning of sex. In many cases, people that solicit pornography fail to appreciate a real individual and the fulfilling relationship they could have had because pornography has blinded them.
People come to want instant gratification, and since they can have it, they will never seek to address their addiction to porn and so insist to their partner that it is not cheating. Pornography hijacks real sexuality by replacing it with gratification. This may affect the person in their real relationship, since they might need pornography to become properly stimulated for sexual activity. The person may impose a criteria onto the other partner to "acts out " certain favorite pornographic sequences done by their favorite porn actresses.
Pornography makes people lazy. Wishing instant gratification they spend less time trying to be emotionally connected to their loved one. This is cheating the loved one of what they need from you as their beloved.
Makes unfair demands on your partner in sexual expectations. It can cause dissatisfaction with your partner and the relationship if they fail to live up to expectations.
Causes anxiety to the partner, just like cheating. I ask myself, why is he in this room doing this? Why is he wanting to look at all this stuff, before sex? Why is he or her trying to guide me into using this stuff? Why am I being told, that I don't know how to really get aroused good? Why is this occurring ?
Pornography makes men fantasize certain physical traits in other women and cause them to lose interest in their own.
I feel as if my partner is trying to have sex with someone else, that I am being objectified, when I know pornography is part of his life.
Porn conditions the viewer on sexual perceptions and on other women and men.
I found out my fiancee' was looking at live sex sites. It pisses me off to no end. I don't care if he looks but don't go searching for stuff like that. That leads to wanting to meet, etc. I feel betrayed.
Guys who say that girls are weak for being mad about Internet porn should consider how weak they are for fantasizing over someone they have not even met and then excusing themselves as if it is normal when they already have a real girlfriend.
Women want to be appreciated. If your partner seeks to save themselves only for you, body and soul, why should they not see it as cheating when you actively seek out the bodies of other women for satisfaction?
I think pornography is on the same level as sleeping with multiple people as it causes self-esteem problems for your spouse. Even if it is not technically cheating to some people it still hurts and damages a person and their self-esteem and a relationship that could otherwise be a beautiful thing.
In marriage, you present vows of trust, love and faithfulness before God, your friends and . If it is stipulated anytime before, or during the marriage that one or both partners feel that viewing porn is an act of betrayal in a partnership, or breaking of the marriage vows, then viewing porn, whether in secret or right up in your partner's face is absolutely cheating.
For some reason, people who like pornography cannot see that viewing it is just as addictive as alcohol or drugs. Finding out my guy is viewing porn when I have asked him not to is ruining my life, my ability to concentrate and to be productive in my work; I cannot concentrate on anything other than this and I have told him he has broken my heart and my trust.
Whether you are gay, straight, bi-sexual or non-sexual, pornography devastates relationships. My husband does not "value" me and this will always be in my thoughts. He has placed porn above our marriage
Stop excusing it as your poor sex life, or he needs this because he has more testosterone, or you aren't really an attractive person, or it is just "normal" male behavior in relationships. It is immature, and deviant thinking, and needs to be addressed.
If you turn to pornography, you turn away from your marriage or loving partnership, placing your own self-interests before them. I don't think I am being unreasonable. Call me "frigid" or "controlling" - which seems to be the label given for women or men who are "upset" by this kind of behavior - but I don't think I'm being unreasonable.
It can lead to outright cheating. My husband has a history of wanting, almost needing to watch porn - tons of rentals. When we got married, he got my message that I am not into that, that it makes me feel demeaned, etc. Over time I have discovered that he was not only watching internet porn but that he was also conversing with women, sending and receiving pictures. He swore to stop - he didn't. Now he peruses even dating and divorced sites.
If you were looking at porn, would your man understand why you had the need to see other guys naked? I doubt it. So why should you put up with it?
What does he do when he looks at porn? Satisfy himself? Pretend he is with those woman? Pretend he is with you doing those things? I doubt that last question. He is fantasizing he is with those woman doing those things.
If he has you, why does he need porn? Ask him why he needs to look at porn? What is he getting out of it? And what kind of porn is he looking at? Violent porn against woman? Kiddy porn? What? And you need to tell him how you feel about this.
Yes, it is cheating there should be no reason for him to look at porn if you are his girlfriend, wife of significant other why can't he look at you?
If you are giving and getting sexual energy to/from another woman -- photo or not! -- you are ignoring something real and meaningful in the woman you have.
If a man likes, loves, or even remotely respects a woman he would not have the want or desire to look at another woman in a sexual way.
In my case, my husband looks at online porn almost every night and it really bothers me. In the meantime, I go to be alone each night. I consider that cheating.
If he is hiding it, he already feels that he is doing something wrong. If he is "relieving" himself to these women, even more so. If the woman does not agree with these actions of viewing pornography and he does it anyway, you deserve better.
My boyfriend does it quite frequently, and it's been bothering me a little lately. I'm a little insecure and sometimes I do find myself envying the women that he's looking at. I just feel that if he were as happy with our sex life as he says he is, then he shouldn't feel the need to look at naked women all the time. It makes me feel kind of inadequate, that I am not good enough for him.
It's demoralizing to me. I have only caught my boyfriend twice looking at porn on the internet. When I confront him about it he gets mad and doesn't want to talk about it. I feel that if he is hiding it and gets mad when you want to talk about it and it makes you feel insecure then yes I consider it cheating. Especially if he can spend hours on the internet at night and not even so much as touch you at night when you go to bed. Maybe we are both insecure.
Most women would prefer that their man actually sleep around every Friday night, rather than have an emotional connection with a 'particular' woman, with whom they might speak with at work every day. Or even worse, a woman they have never met, a porn star or actress, and a fantasy about them.
Who can compete with a fantasy? Especially one air-brushed and made up for photogenic purposes in pornographic pictures and movies! Totally unrealistic. Being the object of desire for my our passion and dedication and selflessness, is what I expect. Men do not give emotionally as women, as they are more sexually orientated, but I want the best my man is able to give. I want him to desire me. No one else. I sacrifice so much being emotive, and expect little in return. Just fidelity.
If the passion has gone, be sure we know. I refuse to be substituted for porn because he doesn't want to face up to things.
Biblically speaking, it is cheating.
"I would not accept a man into my life who viewed porn."
I agree with what you're saying about the problems of pornography. However, the important distinction to make is those who think it's OK, and those who realise it's sinful.
For some guys, it's a battle they are struggling with and genuinely trying to overcome. What they need is support, encouragement, and understanding. For other guys, it's maybe a temptation slipped into on occasion. Yes it's a bad thing, but the temptation is far stronger than most women seem to realise. That doesn't make it OK, but remember as a human you are not sinless yourself. I don't think anybody can honestly claim they don't entertain lustful thoughts sometimes.
EDIT: I forgot to mention, Biblically speaking, a single lustful thought is cheating too. (Matthew 5:28)
It's funny that this should be posted because I've been thinking about this recently, and realize it's a big problem not only amongst men but also women!
There's nothing new about temptations and the desires of our sinful nature, it's how we deal with it and flee from it that matters.
This helped me when I was a younger christian and I learnt it off by heart:
"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it" 1 Corinthians 10 v 13.
I personally think sexual immorality is rife in the church.
"Those who think they stand firm should be careful lest they fall"
its not only sin in the biblical sense but it will make you depressed eventually and it has become the substitute for going down the pub and getting pissed when you're fed up, its easier and it doesn't cost money. there's no substitute for finding a wife who you can treasure
God, in his infinite wisdom, made men and women attractive to each other. He also blessed us with the wonderful gift of sex. The urges of the flesh are not themselves sinful but part of God’s plan for us. It is difficult to live chastely and easy to criticise and judge those who fall into sexual sin. I don’t think God is surprised by sexual sin.
Don’t think I am making excuses here. I agree wholeheartedly with Peter about support, encouragement and understanding, but I am under no illusions about what is wrong with pornography: it is exploitative and in many instances is a modern form of slavery. It objectifies women (I speak as a man), turning her into nothing more than an object to satisfy my desires. If I am viewing pornography, I am certainly not seeking the Kingdom of God and his righteousness.
I certainly do stand firm on the subject - and my morals won't change - God has given me these morals and is leading me in the direction towards making a stand against pornography, and I am involved with other charities / forums on the subject. I do hope nobody get the wrong impression that I'm judging them, I have no right to do so, but I do believe Pornography has no value and is very empty. A good book I read recently called An Affair of the Mind, by Laurie Hall (one womans couragous battle to salvage her family from the devastation of pornography.
Did anyone see the BBC series / documentary called The Dark Side of Porn? Worth watching, can be downloaded on extratorrent.
You are right Caroline, unfortunately pornography is rife, Christians and non-Christains, and the porn industry pushes it in the faces of innocent people trawling through the internet, and has now even filtered through to music videos. The media is getting worse, more and more violence and swearing and sex on TV. Its as though society is becoming immune to it! Sex is a very personal a private experience between a couple in a loving marriage, not for everyone else to view.
There is a difference between a patient in a hospital and a patient on the street!
But, it is also true that some one who is sick and who can not takecare of himself may not be permitted to take responsibility of caring for another person.
So, it is right that we need to be kind to people who have been bornagain and who are battling sin. That is really good and they shoud be commended and every possible help should be offered.
But when it comes to the matter of marriage, I think both man and woman must have some standard of godliness. Both must demonstrate some amount of grace of God in their personal life. Otherwise it is like marrying two 5 yearolds, spiritually speaking. They must also demonstrate during thedating process, that both put together could live at a higher standard of godliness than any one of them all by themselves. Sadly, does any one check all this in our churches?!
Do you think this is because of the lack of fear of God in this modern age? Has reverence to God anything to do with this?
So, you're not too keen on porn then, Mandy? :+)
I agree with a lot of what you have to say but in the Navy, I saw loads and had my induction to the facts of life in the bars and clubs of Willshaven, Hamburg and Amsterdam. As such I can't say that I'm horrified by it and I personally don't see women purely as sex objects because of it.
What do the women in the industry think, Mandy? What would you say to a married couple who like to watch porn together?
I think back to a programme where this subject was discussed in one of those open tv debates and the feminists,religious and plain 'I think it's trashy' types made their case against women who worked in the industry.
I applaud your campaigning but there are people out there (men AND women) who like sex and also like SOME aspects of porn.
It has been reported that as many as 40% of Christians are addicted to pornography. But if the movies with promiscuous scenes also could be added to that category then it could be said that 99% of Christians watch pornography.
• How do we overcome this sin?
• I remember a godly man explaining how to overcome this sin as well as worldliness by comparing the following Hymn with the stars in the sky!
Song:
Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.
• He said, the reason we can not see stars during the day time, though they are present all the time, is because of the brightness of the sun! By turning our eyes on Jesus, through the word and His Spirit, we could overcome these sins. They strangely become dim and disappear!
• On the other hand, it is also true that many people who are born-again do not progress further in their relationship with Jesus by getting to know Him by the word of God through the Holy Spirit and by fellowship with godly people. Please consider the following passage!
Luke 11.
23"He who is not with Me is against Me; and he who does not gather with Me, scatters.
24"When the unclean spirit goes out of a man, it passes through waterless places seeking rest, and not finding any, it says, 'I will return to my house from which I came.'
25"And when it comes, it finds it swept and put in order.
26"Then it goes and takes along seven other spirits more evil than itself, and they go in and live there; and the last state of that man becomes worse than the first."
27While Jesus was saying these things, one of the women in the crowd raised her voice and said to Him, "Blessed is the womb that bore You and the breasts at which You nursed."
28But He said, "On the contrary, blessed are those who hear the word of God and observe it."
• Therefore, after our hearts and minds are washed clean by His blood, if we leave it empty instead of filling it by His word, a godly burden for the fellow believers etc. and a godly fellowship, one might end up with these kinds of sins which he or she would not have gotten into before being born-again.