Talking to/dating more than one person at the same time
From my point of view, very unhappy, but glad that I'd found out before it was too late. Maybe thats too harsh, maybe there are circumstances where everyone knows one is just friends. Are there?
Why?
Des
yes why not?, des
if both parties have not come out with clear intentions and there is no' musical beds' , then why not, atleast that way one is keeping his/her 'options open'. when i was growing up i was thought to check out all interested parties , but no' musical beds' and from the 'pool' make a wise 'choice' and pick the most approriate!. actually i did so when i was to marry, however the one i dropped off as being very rich , i found out would have been the right choice, but that was after my marriage and his with another lady!. You see i had this idea that since my parents began their lives together from nothing and made it together and it was wonderful, i could do same and have the same marital bliss; how terribly wrong i was, i'm finding out now ( hah)
There are risks and therefore there is need to do alot of work in studying and doing the right math so as to make the right choice!( smile)
This is connections and it is not all about dating thus, starting as friends should be good as you can never have too many of those anything more should be a significant bonus providing of the latter you have one of those. I think there is a danger of charging in like a bull in a China shop. If people are prepared to work on things then even better...good foundations first before building ontop of that.
Dave,
but aren't there times in which u will know and know that he or she is the right person right away?, and have just the one , but start with the friendship bit first?
The problem is you can never know online, you have to take it to the next level e.g. phone, meeting up in order to gauge whether they are or aren't the one. So to say am still here still looking/wondering etc.
It depends on your reason for being on this site: to widen social circle? to look for friendship? romance? lasting relationship? But relationships are processes and developmental and dare I say it - organic. Real relationships that last can't be 'manufactured' - because they would be man-made.
Confession time: I am on the site to widen my social circle - there are few (if any) eligible / suitable/ available Christian men in the area I live in. And so I have a number of wonderful gentlemen with whom I correspond with and are friends with. I meet up with them and we have a good time.That's great - and I enjoy their company when we meet and communications when we can't / don't meet. I actively encourage them to get to know other ladies on cc as well. So, for me, this site is working. If. however, any of these relationships would develop further, then I would without doubt, move towards a more exclusive approach.
But - as I have said on my profile - if that friendship develops into a deeper relationship that is God-centred - great. And so that opportunity always exists.
On the other hand - when I met my husband (he was nicking some file paper out of my office!!) there was instant 'wow' and 'zap' and we both knew that we were on the verge of something amazing and special - and we married 6 months later - and lived the dream for 20 years until he died. And it was the dream and it was an amazing relationship.
I guess what I am trying to say in a clumsy way is that both kinds of relationship exist - what truly matters is whether or not God is at the centre of both your lives and relationship - and by keeping that focus, you will know His will for you.
So - for now - I think it is important to get to know people - as Dave has so rightly said - and to that I would add be careful about your personal safety, your integrity and open to God's leading.
I agree with Des(767) - I would chat and email on line with different women - but would only date one at a time (if it ever gets that far). I do not like juggling (metaphorically speaking!)
Would it be helpful to define 'dating'? Is it going out socially, one-to-one, with a view to romance? Or is it ok to go out socially with more than one person whom one finds attractive? Another thing I want to find out is (and I hope I'm not going off on a tangent here) when does enjoying someone's company turn into 'fancying' them? I only ask because even though I've lived in the UK for several years, there seems to be different understandings of this term 'fancy', especially when interacting with people from other cultures. It begs the question (sorry!) is it acceptable to 'go out with' more than one person that you 'fancy'??
Hellena,
Good point. A date is one meeting. If I ask someone if they would like to meet I typically ask them if they would like a 'date', as shorthand for meeting up somewhere convenient and talking, with a view to seeing if there might be the possibility of ... wanting a second date.
Dating has to be that stage where one is regularly seeing someone, but has yet to definatively decide where the relationship is going. Someone earlier said that their forces chaplain had two questions to ask an engaged couple. The second thing was are they attracted to each other... I am sure that one of the benefits of 'dating' (rather than escalating the relationship too quickly, like the proverbial bull in the china shop as Karen alluded to, is that one gets to ask and decide this question in a variety of settings, before the commitments made when 'knowing someone'. One has to ask how deep the 'fancying' is if one seriously fancies several people at once. I am sure that in marriage there will often be other people who come along who one might fancy. In marriage one has to pretty quickly deal with those situations. What one does when dating might be a indicative of what one might do in marriage.
Des
Des
i just realise in this dating and marriage life , there is no hard and fast rule which ensures the right choice. To me it all boils down to praying and really being sure from The Lord that the person is the right choice, even after that one needs to work at the relationship and marriage to make it successful.. Some have been known to know straight away at seeing or meeting the other person as the right one, while others have been known to to take the dating and frienship lines and get the right person. Furthermore while others date and befriend more than one person at a time , there are others that date one person at a time and from there move on. However, in all of these , the most important is to make it holy and clean as well as fun and productive. Whatever the case might ,when all it is said and done and whether it works out or not i think it is worthwhile knowing another human being.
Helena,
I am of the experience A relationship is only ever exclusive until HE states in no uncertain terms and follow through with action. You then can accept if he is the one if you want. I am not saying the woman has to passively argee to whatever, but men can be happy to hang out with a woman for long time and still that all it is to them. So until he shows the action of commitment, do not take it as read. This means you are free to be friends with other men. Friendships are a such wonderful thing. So even if you been out with a guy for weeks or months. Time is preceived differently by men in this situation.
Maureen
Maureen,
So, the man sees you spending time with other friends, thats probably OK. If he sees you dating other people, you might induce a jealous response, that might develop into a very introverted relationship. Or, he might conclude that he does not mean that much to you, and do likkewise. Or he might just walk. Thats the trouble with game play...
Des
Des
i rather think not , you see love is jelouse , read songs of solomon and you will see God say it even the love of God to us is jelouse!.
If a man cannot be jelouse on my behalf then i would not consider him loving me!. i would use jelousy as a guide to finding out if the man loves me or not and i also use it as line to see if i love a man, any man i don't give a figs who sees or not sees i then do not love! period!
Hi Des,
I don't understand your post?? I was saying in essence in the early days a relationship, nothing is fixed. Friends are friends and dating is dating then engagement is also different. I am not advocating game playing at all. I was making the point that one needs to be clear about what stage one is in. Especially that you both feel you are at the same place. This will hopefully not cause the wrong expectation, and hurt feelings.
I'm curious... how do people feel about talking to or going out socially with more than one person that they strike up a friendship with via CC? Is this ok? At what point do you make the decision to be 'exclusive'?
If you found out that the man/woman you felt connected to, was seeing other people (or as my friend would call it 'keeping their options open') - how would you feel about it?